I can't believe Julia made People's annual Most Beautiful People issue. Yeesh!
But they're not me.
And that's not what I'm here for.
(Well, not really, anyway.)
I retract my earlier pronouncement.
Creepy is not creepy.
He's actually very nice looking once he takes off those butt ugly glasses!
Friday night, my friend K and I were talking about Creepy. (Picture omitted for sanity reasons. Or reasons of insanity. Your choice.) I showed her a few pictures and she said, "He's more ugly than creepy. xD"
I thought I'd said that Julia wasn't much to look at either, but records show I said, "Well, considering that I'm sure I can name at least half a dozen women I find prettier than Julia...*nasty snicker*"
And I did.
Except last night, the list grew by three.
So now I bring you The Top Nine Women I Think are More Beautiful than Julia Roberts. (They were originally in no particular order, but I created one when preparing for this entry this afternoon. Like Creepy, their names are links to their IMDb pages.) (Oh, and I'm using full names where I can get them...just because I like to. 
)
Nine
(Model, Actress--Mortal Kombat: Annihilation)
I've seen MK2 about a million times since its release fourteen years ago and I still can't get over how lovely Irina is. I think it's the exotic "Russian Eskimo" element that catches me every time.
Eight
(Actress--Law and Order: Special Victims Unit)
I think for me, a major part of Mishka's¹ attraction is her magnetism. She's lovely, but she also exudes a sort of charisma and she's wonderful to watch onscreen, especially when she gets angry. There are a lot of great (fictional) female crime fighters, past and present (and a few are on this list), but Mishka holds a special place in my heart.
Seven
María José "Cote" de Pablo Fernandez
(Actress--NCIS)
If you have never seen Cote kick ass (or sing, for that matter), you don't know what you're missing! This pretty Chilean actress does all that and plays the piano, too! Forget Selma Hayek...Cote is my "Latina lover" of choice!
Six
(Actress--The Finder)
Okay, since she's only seventeen, Maddie hasn't quite crossed the line from "cute" to "beautiful" just yet, but she has a great start. Plus, there's no one on television quite like Willa Monday. (Except maybe Kat Dennings, when she's in full-on "Max" persona.) Heck, there's no show quite like Finder, either!
Five
(Actress, model)
I think Heidi is just adorable! Not only is she pretty, but she's peppy and full of life. Every time she stops by The Ellen DeGeneres Show, she's so much fun to listen to...and she practically bounces off the screen!
Three (TIE)
Sandra Annette Bullock and Jennifer Leann Carpenter
(Actress--The Blind Side), (Actress--Dexter)
When I was looking at these wonderful women and trying to decide who goes where, I realized how much each made me think of the other and how I couldn't keep them apart. So they're tied. Sandy is a funny, talented actress and I love Jen because not only is she pretty, but she but so much emotion and heart into playing Deb Morgan. If there are any ladies on my list who deserve to share the bronze medal, it's definitely these two.
Two
(Model, Actress--Heroes)
I didn't watch much of Heroes, but when I did, I couldn't help noticing the fantastic Ali Larter. Blonde hair, death stare...wowza! Toward the end of the series, I didn't think she looked all that great, so I originally put her toward the bottom of the list. This picture changed my mind. How can you not notice her?
One
(Actress--Castle)
I'm not going to describe how I feel about her, because I simply can't. I'll just say, "If I was bisexual or a lesbian, I'd be all over her in a heartbeat!" and leave it at that. 
Now don't go getting any crazy ideas like, "I bet she thinks she's more beautiful than Julia!" because I can tell you I don't.
I've never thought I was more beautiful than anybody. When I have one of those rare days when I look in the mirror and think I look pretty, I rejoice--because despite what I've been told over and over again, I think I'm simply plain.
No, this is how I see the two of us:
The only difference between the square on the left and the square on the right is the one on the left is very famous and has had a long movie career. The one on the right is simply an "Average Jane" novelist who is studying to be a paralegal. That's all.²
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¹ "Mishka" is my nickname for her. <3
² In case I have to spell it out for you, the point I'm trying to make is that, as far as looks go, I think Julia and I are both plain women and that's all there is to it.
I get the idea of "Zombie Jesus"--or at least I think I do. And I can see how it's amusing...and fits right in with the zombie zeitgeist. But Jesus was definitely not a zombie.
(Since I'm not Christian, let's call this the "Temperance Brennan defense" instead of the "religious defense".)
I'm not into zombies, but as far as I know, they:
Based on what I know of the bible, Jesus didn't fall apart after a half a dozen steps. Or at all, despite the several days he spent with his followers after rising from the tomb. His intelligence and personality seemed to remain intact and I doubt he stunk any more than anyone else did at that time, owing to the amount of baths they may or may not have taken. (I get the idea that even at that time, Jews were into bathing, especially for purification reasons, so they probably didn't stink very often.)
And most importantly? Even if zombies were real, I doubt they'd get into the Christian heaven (or any of the paradises of any of the other religions), owing to their unfortunate penchants for cannibalism. And Jesus got zapped back into heaven after he was done with his post-resurrection ministry.
So there we go.
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* The exception to this is Camille, from the Sienna Miller movie of the same name. She started falling apart at one point and she may have stunk somewhat, but she retained her intelligence, personality and overall appeal throughout the entire story.
Or Why the Poor Quality of Mortal Kombat: Annihilation Can't Be Blamed on James Remar
(Whew, that's a long subtitle!)
Side Note: Yeah, I'm still upset with Jamie over the whole SAG versus AFTRA issue. And I plan to allow myself to have anger/annoyance/whatever bubbling under the surface until the votes are completely counted (sometime after March 30). But that doesn't stop me from being a fan of his.
So a lot of reviews I've seen (and I mean a lot...too many to be reasonable) seem to blame James Remar for the poor quality of Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. They don't take into consideration the performances of all the other actors (especially since the vast majority of them were replaced since the first movie or were making first appearances), they don't take into consideration the director, the writers or anyone else...they place the blame solely on Jamie's shoulders. To the point of saying, "Damn you, James Remar...damn you to hell!" in one case. And I don't get it. Are they that blatantly in love with Christopher Lambert that they are blinded to the faults of the entire movie (and they're not willing to admit it), or are they seriously a bunch of dumbasses that should be disregarded?
First, let's take a step back and look at who wrote both movies. (I'm a novelist...of course I'm going to examine the writers first!) It's the writers' job to tell the story, to keep the audience interested and wanting more. If there aren't enough plot twists (or if there are too many, or if they're obvious), if the dialogue is hackneyed or unrealistic, if there isn't enough action, the audience is going to hate it. (And apparently hate the actors for using what they're given. But I digress.)
Take a look at the cast and crew lists for both movies: big surprise...they were written by different people! Kevin Droney was responsible for the first movie, while Lawrence Kasanoff, Joshua Wexler and John Tobias were responsible for the story of the second movie and Brent V. Friedman and Bryce Zabel wrote the screenplay. If anything, MK2 was overwritten...too many chefs stirring the pot, or whatever the phrase is. Even if they couldn't get Kevin Droney back for the second movie, don't you think the script would've been a whole hell of a lot better with about four less writers? What's the matter, Time Warner...don't you trust one person to write for himself?
Second, let's take a look at the director. The director is responsible for setting the imagery, the tone and the pacing for an entire movie. He (or she!) even controls the writers to some extent, telling them what he's looking for in the movie, what images he has in mind, that sort of thing. Consider the difference between Quentin Tarantino and Kathryn Bigelow, for example. They both had war movies up for Best Picture at the 2009 Academy Awards, but their movies were vastly different. Kate goes for a hardcore, emotional feel, really shining her camera on the harsh realities of war; while Q prefers a lighter note, leaning on a bit of comedy and plenty of ass-kicking to keep things going.
The contrast between the work of Paul W.S. Anderson (MK1) and John R. Leonetti (MK2) is also obvious: Paul went for a darker mood, using--guess what--darkness, plenty of growled threats from Shang Tsung and the uncertainty of what Mortal Kombat was all about, while John used a lot of daylight and the messages of friendship, believing in yourself and working together. Kind of like the difference between Kate and Q, isn't it?
As for the actors, they can only use what they're given by the writers and the directors. Yes, some actors and actresses are so talented that they can take a poor script and really turn it around, making for a brilliant movie. But most are simply average...they take what they're given and can't be expected to save a movie for the life of them.
Let's look at the dominating figures of each movie: Shang Tsung (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa) and Shao Khan (Brian Thompson). As I mentioned before, Shang Tsung relies manly on growled threats to get his job done. He seems confident in his role as the Emperor's right-hand man (er...sorcerer) and Cary conveys it not by posturing, parades or presentations, but by holding himself upright and not flinching when the mortals come to challenge him. Brian, on the other hand, has to deal with poor dialogue and flamboyance (written into the script) that is more suited to the days of jousting and courtly love, not killing mortals for the hell of it. Speaking of dumb dialogue (and I blame the writers for not thinking carefully about this), what's up with referring to the bible? "The earth was created in six days...so, too, shall it be destroyed!" Em...we're in a world where elemental deities rule over all and a few mortals kicking ass can decided the fate of humanity and you're referring to the bible? Or are you trying to get us to believe that the Elder Gods created the earth in six days, just like the Christian god, and you conveniently forgot to tell us that? (There are several other things that the writers changed between movies and even from the video games, but I don't have time to think of them or list them all.)
As for the difference between Christopher Lambert and James Remar, well, I guess it's just a matter of personal preference. In my opinion, if Raiden is supposed to be a mortal-loving deity who would lay down his powers and divine status for the sake of humanity, he shouldn't be relying on sarcasm and half-hearted attempts at dry wit. Jamie handled the essence of Raiden far better than Chris, right down to humbling himself at the feet of the Elder Gods. And I'm not saying that because I'm biased: I felt that James Remar was the best Raiden all the way back when I saw MK2 in theaters--twelve years before I fell in love with him.
...and those sorts of things...
* Note: this mixes two separate (but not entirely diverse) topics, one of which I was going to blog about last night and one I feel like blogging about right now.
I have a love/hate relationship with getting excited over publishing another book.
I love it because...well, let's face it...publishing through Lulu is exciting. You don't have to wait for the chance to get picked from the slush pile, you don't have to have a million back-and-forths with your editor, you don't have to wait for anything! As soon as you're ready, Lulu is ready. (Okay, so once you upload the manuscript, it generally takes the site a little while to process it and get it ready for publication, but based on what I've done in the past, it doesn't take more than ten, twenty minutes tops...not ten or twenty weeks.)
I hate it, I guess, because it makes me examine my shortcomings as a person. I don't have all the time in the world to write. I don't have a constant, never ending flow of ideas. And--let's face it--with my medication, I frequently don't have the energy to write like I'd like to. And that's galling, because I get hyped up about publishing, I get hyped up about laying out the book and creating the cover and get everything ready to go...and then I have to wait for my writing to catch up with me. With Broken Road, I have the front and back covers designed, I have the layout started (eleven pages thus far, just with the dedication and copyright and that sort of thing alone)...but I'm still working on the manuscript. I just finished the first third of the book last Wednesday after working on it regularly since November. November! I want to allow myself to type that portion of the manuscript just to feed the inner fire and keep the excitement going, but I won't let myself, because [1] I want to get the entire manuscript done before I start typing and [2] I'm afraid that I'll get myself incredibly mixed up if I'm typing the first third while I'm still writing the second third.
And now, I'm getting disenchanted with the story.
I suppose it was easy to keep my interest with Aŋpaŋa because of everything that was going on. You had Amihan and Krystállina trying to live their lives as a normal couple, you had them "play acting" at court to keep up the appearance of nobles--even after their pretense was discovered, and you had Yolanda de Courtenay reporting in behind the scenes, leaving you wondering where and when Léi Shēng was going to exact punishment on Amihan for falling in love with a mortal. When you're dealing with three different stories at once, it's exciting and keeps your mind moving, especially when you're plotting out what happens next. But now that I've finished Aŋpaŋa, the storyline has slowed down incredibly...and the Royal Factor is completely gone.
I won't lie...if a book has a Royal Factor (or even a Noble Factor), I'm in love with it. I've read all about the Tudors (going all the way back to Elizabeth Woodville, although I don't think I know as much as I'd like about Jane Seymour), I've read several different books on Cleopatra, I own all twenty books in the Royal Diaries series, I devour Carolyn Meyer's Young Royals...I guess I'm just in love with castles and kings. (Or tribal leaders, in the case of some of the Royal Diaries.) So it's little surprise that I try to recapture that sort of thing in my books...and that's probably what led to the gods in Broken Road being referred to as Princes and Duchesses.
I've tried to write a book that has top notch Royal Factor--based on a past life I once thought I had, no less--but every time I try to work on it, I get bored with it within a couple of pages and move on to another project. I guess I'm like most people...I like living in that fantasy world, but when it comes to writing about it, I don't have a great deal of interest.
Anyway, I guess I'm disenchanted with Awakenings I because it's a lot slower than Aŋpaŋa and doesn't have as much going on. I have a sort of plan, I know where it's going to end, but I don't know if I like the concept at all. It's turned into one of those situations where I think, "What is the reader going to think when they read this?" and also, "But if I don't include it, where the hell is this story going?"
And I have no plan for Awakenings II. I know that I want Dao to talk to Amihan about suspecting that the wars and murders and things that the mortals are getting up to isn't natural, and I know I want him to meet Kōbaiiro, and I'm pretty sure I want to kind of recap/retell the movies before Amihan sends Dao off to find his Aŋpaŋa, but I really have no idea where it's supposed to go and what's supposed to happen.
*sigh*
As I wrote all that, I started to think that maybe I should just hold off on the last two thirds of the story. Yes, I want to tell how Dao and Koba met each other and became associated with Amihan and yes, I want Amihan to charge Dao with his mission, but maybe Aŋpaŋa is long enough to be a book by itself. After all, all I set out to do was establish why (in The Blessing Way) Amihan seemed to fall in love with Mariamne so quickly and deeply...I never really planned for anything else.
